Wednesday, April 02, 2008
So it just occurred to me just how all my current, most pressing problem can be solved with money. Moneymoneymoney.
With money, I could move into the Radian, a wonderfulexpensive new housing project that's being built just half a block from where I'm staying. Brand, spanking new furniture, recreation room, gym, retail shops, restaurants, and best of all, your. Own. Washing. Machine. Yes, and it also costs almost twice my monthly rent. Don't get me wrong. I love my room (aka Club 709). Its cosy, warm, and I have an amazingly comfortable queen sized bed. I have the best roommate in the world. Our place is the number 1 choice for pregames, beer pong, dvd watching, and silly drunken games. But I hate being cut off from the world, I hate being woken up in the middle of the night by the glare of the kitchen light.
Oh, why do I even bother. It's not going to happen anyway.
With money, I could do what I can't publicly state on this blog. Such a paradox, such a paradox, that the very source of my opportunities should also shackle me to a fate I dread.
A small, gnawing, cold disquiet has gripped me the past few days. Perhaps due to a combination of factors. Damn it, it's always these small, little hiccups that clump together and ruin my mood. I get tired, cranky, and stare into space. (and blog long, incoherent posts, apparently.) Am I jaded so easily? Perhaps it is opportunities, or the opportunity of opportunities, of a new, exciting future that fuel my spirit. Take them away, tell me that I (and I hate to say it) failed, and I am an empty shell. It always begins with that word "unfortunately".. as if its a fucking twist of fate. Then a sympathetic smile, the cursory courtesy, and they leave you alone to rot and mull over what went wrong.
Another form of disquiet lately, affected by small, unintended words. A sense of foreboding?
I need to steel myself.
Oh, give me back my innocence, my optimism, my life-grabbing zest.
he rocked the party at 11:06 PM |
