Monday, January 17, 2005
In my entire life, I have never, ever, ever, been more reluctant to do something other than this. One hour left before i leave the comfort of my home for the airport, where i shall fly away for three weeks to the Land of No Ninja Van: Brunei. Yes, not only does it NOT have a ninja van, its also void of everything else except jungle, rivers, jungle, jungle and more jungle. I cant believe such a dumb place still exists.
-sigh- Three weeks of discomfort, bites, grime, abrasions, humidity and that ever-present biting sense of lonliness, that comes with being 10 000 miles away from home. Shall be doing:
-3 days of infantry training involving 2 river crossings, 1 platoon battle course and 1 company mission.
-3 days of Exercise Nomad: possibly the hardest navigation exercise in closed terrain known to the SAF, a veto factor for Jungle Confidence Course
-5 days of Exercise Chillhermit: a 5-day survival on my own, with no food and limited equipment, whereby im required to build nothing short of a citadel with trees and vines.
-5 days of Exercise Chillbone: a 30km navigation exercise, without food as well.
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me..
I hate this feeling of dread that's overtaking me, strangling me, pulling me down. Why cant i be like everyone else with their 8 to 5 jobs, or like the girls studying in university with their dorm rooms, instant noodles, booze and happy company? Why why why why?
Im not that apprehensive about the suffering im going to encounter, since every overseas outfield training does involve a certain about of suffering, but the fact that Im going to push myself to suffer is just freaky. Just for that coveted Jungle Confidence Course badge. Just to prove to myself that i can do it. Now, can i?
Pray for me, dear reader..
Till the dawn of the 9th of Feb, when i shalt return.. fare thee well! And take care!
he rocked the party at 6:06 AM |
Sunday, January 16, 2005
oo yea.. as of this morn, i've (finally) jumped on the MSN bandwagon!
Add me: gknight85@hotmail.com
Am still trying to figure out how it works..
will probably not be able to figure it out before i leave for Brunei. Hmm.
he rocked the party at 10:52 PM |
eugene made an insensitive, but damn funny comment tonight while we were catching the singapore vs indonesia match at breko at holland v.
Hee hee hee.. its very bad la. I just typed it out, read it through once and decided that i shouldnt post it. Very insensitive. And whats more, im going brunei tomorrow night.. dont want any bad karma!
But you can check out his blog if you wanna read it. Its funny if you're as heartless as me.
And to eugene: Fine. So you managed to post kuan sian's joke 20 mins before i did. (eugene and i had a bet to see who could post an entry abt kuan sian's joke on the malaysian army first)
Kuansian: Eh lionel, are you a Captain in the army already? How come in your Friendster pic you're wearing three bars?
me: no la, im not even commissioned yet! the three bars on my shoulders just mean that im an ocs cadet in the pro term.
eugene: sia la, then what do the ranks on the malaysian army look like?
kuansian: dunno.. maybe they put SATAYS on their shoulder. One satay, two satay, three satays.. Then for their shoulder they'll put Ketupat.
Hahahahah!
Ok la, not funny. But you should listen to the way kuansian says it. Its hilarious.
he rocked the party at 7:43 AM |
Saturday, January 15, 2005
There's this ever-present thought wriggling at the back of my head, which i've tried many times to vocalise, but have been unsuccessful so far. So, i shall attempt to do it again.
The past few days of before-Brunei block leave have been spent, well, aimlessly. With absolutely no meaning whatsoever. I've had chalets, bbqs, clubbing and shopping trips.. Do you sometimes get the feeling that you go through life without knowing why you're doing that particular something, or that whatever you're doing seems wrong even though you dont know why? I do. Hmm.
Personally, i try to block that particular (unpleasant) train of thought from entering my mind too often. Its uncomfortable. And i shall never really find the answer to it anyway. Thus, i try to fill my days with busy activities, pack my schedule with meetups, dates, bbqs, lessons, performances, parties and of course, the disgusting, unavoidable army training. But most of them seem, well, flat. Without purpose. As if i've wasted another few hours of my life. Its irritating. Of course, there's that other extreme where i do absolutely nothing at all for a whole day, spent with myself, reading a book at the esplanade, watching dvds, downloading music and playing with html. Which is even worse: i end up feeling like a bum. So, which is the right way to live life?
Of course, it doesnt mean i havent felt life has been meaningless all this while. Yes there ARE some moments where i've felt the zest of life, and was, well, happy. Like doing my first ever airborne jump. Or before, during, and after performing at an adrenelene-filled dance concert. Or (finally) getting a Commando Gold for IPPT. Or going for a really good dance class. Or spending a really really really fun, laughter-filled, boyish cameraderie-d guys' night out with the councillors. Or heck, the busy/happy/crazy/dancey/stressful Orientation 1/Grad Night/Teachers' Day, etc Or having a really good conversation with great old friends, or old great friends (depening on the age group, haha), over lunch/dinner/tea/shopping/movies, so much so that i truly felt that i had a great time. (so, if ive ever messaged you to tell you that "i had a great time", congrats, you've made an impact on me. Haha) Or getting a scholarship. Or winning ANY prize from anywhere (yes, even the army).
But these are occasional occurances. How DO you make yourself feel that you've lived life to the fullest every single day? Carpe Diem is the motto, yet its so damn difficult to follow, aint it? It sure aint through achievements, all my life i've tried to fight to achieve, just so i could taste the euphoria of life at that sparkling moment when i realise "yes, i've done it. Life is good." Perhaps its why i try to do my best in OCS even though i hate the army, and will try my best to be a good officer this yr, just so that i could look back and say, "i've done it." and know that i didnt waste 2.5 years of my life stoning around in some storeroom or office. But surely, there's more to life than achievements. As i've blogged about so long ago, how do you carpe diem and stay happy at the same time?
And in the present moment of being in the midst of ocs' tough training, heck it sure feels like there's no better way of wasting your time. Shee-eesh. Does living life to the full only involve the happy moments? i think not. Yet, my mind often tries unsuccessfully to convince my heart about that. You cant get the happy, euphoria-filled moments without the tough, sad ones now, can you? Still, the tough, sad ones sure dont feel right.
Sometimes, even the happy experiences dont feel right. Like clubbing. Out of the ten billion times i've gone clubbing, when are the occasions that i've sat at the back of a taxi on the way home and can safely say that i've had a good time? Only a couple of times, i think. I love the music, love the company and love the drinks. But i sometimes find a moment of soberity in the middle of the dance floor (esp when a lousy song comes on) when i discover "bleagh, im wasting my time, this doesnt make me happy at all!" No matter how good the music is, the novelty dies down and the dust settles all too sudden.
Ahhh.. i think this topic is too general and too deep for me to successfully describe it. My mind wanders in too many directions at too fast a speed. But here, in yet another attempt, i've tried to describe it in the best possible way. And i shall keep trying. I wish i knew how to stay happy, because i taste it every once in a while, but that taste fades away really quickly, like how u chew gum for an hour and realise that there hasnt been any taste in your mouth for the past 55 mins. And that's just the icing: does meaning of life = being happy?
i honestly dont know.
And i've got to go: i've got yet another night out to prepare for, hoping, yet again, that it'll feed me with that little slice of happiness. And the cycle goes on.
he rocked the party at 11:03 PM |
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Allow me to bitch:
We had OCS Commander's inspection of our bunks on Monday. I didnt do much cleaning because I'm the store i/c for my platoon and was packing lotsa stores for the upcoming Exercise Lancer in Brunei. Well, field pack was still a little muddy from the previous day's navigation exercise in Mandai. Still, managed to get most of the mud off last minute with the help of Edmund's Wet Wipes.
In walks Commander OCS, takes a look at my Commando tee and newspaper article on Commandos on my notice board (below) as well as the red beret on my shoulder, and looks at me suspiciously. His eyes sweep across the room and zoom in on my field pack. "Eh Commando, why is your field pack so filthy? Never wash, right?" I stare back with thoughts of "you didnt even notice my buddy's EXTREMELY muddy field pack with that GIGANTIC splotch of mud in the front, even though it was right NEXT to my moderately dirty field pack! Gosh, can the prejudice be ANY more obvious, Mr Guardsman?!"
Instead, for the sake of friendship and not saboh-ing my buddy, the pathetic words of "Yes Sir." tumble out of my mouth.
my notice board
my very clean bunk. the legs belong to my buddy with the dirty field pack that escaped getting extra.
Inspection over, the whole wing gathers at the training shed outside and endures two talks my Commander and our Wing Sergeant Major. Amazingly, WSM was "happy with the inspection" and mentioned nothing about giving extras. (For the clueless, an "extra" is a weekend duty in camp, either in the form of guard duty or cadet duty officer/duty sergeat where you sit in a room for 24 hours waiting for the phone to ring and doing absolutely nothing) I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that i escaped yet another extra.
An hour later, when the Cadet Wing Sergeant Major was allocating people to do luggage party for Brunei (another dumb thing where a selected group of 20 have to book in early to transport all the luggage to the airport before Brunei, and transport it back from the airport after Brunei.) He has allocated about 8 guys with extras already. Left with another 12 spaces to fill, he conveniently remembers that Commander had accused about half a platoon size (including me) of dirty field packs. The announcement comes: "Will all those who have been caught with dirty field packs please see the CWSM?" Yours truly was EXTREMELY irked and tempted not to turn myself in at all. Finally, conscience and another honest friend convinced me to report and admit, resulting in me signing (frickin) THREE extras!! THREE!! For a bloody field pack! Gosh. And worse: only a percentage of those who were caught actually came down to admit themselves, leaving me feeling foolish and convinced that there's no place in this world for nice, honest guys.
This comes at a time when yours truly was attempting to try for a record of not getting extra for his entire NS career. I have NEVER, i mean NEVER, had to serve a single weekend duty, whether its been regimental (means that its assigned to you out of your sheer bad luck) or extra (means that you have to do it cause you committed some offence.) There's a saying that goes: "If you dont get extra in OCS, something is very wrong" Well, I was so hoping to prove that wrong, with only less than three months to go in OCS, but i suppose it wasnt meant to be, thanks to this stupid organization called the SAF with its bureaucracy, its prejudice, its injustice, and its tendency to make those lower in the food chain submit to the whims and fancy of the self-deluded higher ranks.
One more year to go.. kiss my ass, SAF.
he rocked the party at 9:25 PM |
| Your Penis Name is: Darth Vader |
*heavy breathing* Luke.. I am your father.
ohhh gawsh.
hahahaha!
he rocked the party at 9:18 PM |
Friday, January 07, 2005
Photos are up! From OCS, Christmas, New Year, and Isky and Mike Lui's send off. Whoopeedooo!
Check them out at http://photobucket.com/albums/v207/gknight/
All taken, of course, with my brand new Kyocera Finecam SL300R
Oooo yeaah
he rocked the party at 10:03 AM |
Monday, January 03, 2005
Yes, its illegal because im secretly using the Bravo Wing conference room's computer while the rest of the wing is asleep. Shhhh. Well, i deserve a break after a gruelling (yeah right) day of being Cadet Duty Officer.
And i just peered over to my left at Kenneth Liew, the Cadet Wing Sergeant Major's, screen. (Incidentally, Kenneth is also abusing his power by using the computer after lights off too. He just blogged my name, saying that he's "exposing" me. Hahah.. well, im glad to return the favour. Heh.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who came up with suggestions for image hosting services. I've decided on photobucket, cause i heard its pretty good. But since im in camp, i cant gain access to my pictures, so you'll have to wait till thursday when i book out, okaay??
And its a good thing im booking out on Thursday too.. because great buddies Iskandar and Michael Lui are flying off to the UK to attend the prestigious military school of SANDHURST (is that how you spell that freakin name? i dont know. i dont care.)for a whole year! Yes, and despite my council's cheers of "No more Iskandar!!" (haha) i think im gonna miss them. Good luck guys.. i know you'll do well there, you always have. :) I still dont know why the heck you signed on with the SAF, but oh well, hopefully the military system in the UK is much better than that here. Hee.
Iskandar, please get an English name.. from all the suggestions, i have decided to call you ISKANDAR BIN DMX. Lovely.
Michael, please talk slower. Ang mos have this tendency to talk rreeaall slow, or so i've heard. You dont want to end up with a "Say Whaaaat?" every time you speak, even though i know you love repeating yourself. Hahaha.
Two more weeks before i embark to jungle hell in Brunei. Training programme looks pretty slack for the next two weeks, which gives me a perfect opportunity to binge, splurge and chomp my way through various food marathons in my attempt to fatten myself up for the upcoming 17 days of suffering and 10 days of starvation. Gawrsh. It sounds too horrendous to be true. Any leeches who'd like to take advantage of my splurging are more than welcome to join me. -grin-
Okay, i have this dreadful feeling an officer is going to come in any moment. So here's OCT Lionel Yeo, signing off. :)
he rocked the party at 6:41 AM |
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Aragh. Dont you hate it when there's like 101 things to do in a single day, and when you try to do all of them, you end up not doing them at all?
Today, i had to:
1. Meet eugene to collect my charger
2. Charge my phone
3. Charge my camera
4. Upload pics from my camera to my blog
5. Meet candace to collect the syf vcd
6. Type my update of activities in my desperate attempt to convince the penn admissions board to accept my application
7. Make some lame-ass model of an A-frame for JCC.
8. Meet up with japan tour group friends shawn, felicia and jasmine for dinner
So far, i've only ended up doing 1, 2 and 3, im halfway through 7 and im late for 8.
Oh crap. I should REALLY stop leaving the important stuff i need to do for sunday just before i book in. Heh.
he rocked the party at 1:47 AM |
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Let's raise our glasses, ladies and gentlemen, (no, no, please put your spectacles down, i was talking about THIS glass, understand? haha) and toast... to a brand new 2005!
A huge THANK YOU to the immortal, ever wonderful, ever spectacular, ever noisy, and every other happy-isque adjective possible 25th STUDENT COUNCIL for the most fun a guy ever had on a new year's eve, held at Eugene's place! (Rivalled, of course, only by last year's bash) Of course, the fantastic company of great old friend felicia later in the evening was a wonderful bonus, even though you keep winning at bridge its irritating..
We had yummerific food.. which did wonders for the body's recovery from a shitty week at Tekong.. And of course, perfect for a hungry greedy Wayne stocking up for Brunei starting today.. good luck! And yes Hui, your Li Pie just gets better and better.. -grin- (yes believe it or not, i have a PIE named after me, baked by the ever dear hui.. who sure knows how to boost a guy's ego)
Not to mention the fantastic company of 25 other councillors (you're right eugene, that IS some sort of a record) and their other halves/friends/dogs etc.. whom i spent the night with composing erotic poetry, watching stepping down videos, playing bridge, playing with the dog, and wolfing down greasy prata the next morning.. ahhh.. the simple pleasures of having a ball of a time with friends who dont judge, who know you inside out, and who love you just the way you are. -big smiles-
The brand new first day of the year was spent sleeping for most of the day.. as part of my promise.. and going for a Mass marathon with felicia again. What better way to start off the year than with God, right? And then a prata session with fel, ping zhi and bernice which soon transformed into a laaaattee night session of bridge at youth park and a 1.45am Meet the Fockers movie. (which, i might add, is HILARIOUS.. go watch it! And Kung Fu Hustle as well.) Course, watching fel and bernice laugh for 6 hours straight was much more entertaining, but what the heck.
Ahhh.. who says you cant have a ball of a time even when you're a NSF? (Okay.. i used to say that.. i take it all back now)
Pics shall be up soon.. i promise!
I so freakin need to sign up for a better image hosting service.
he rocked the party at 1:58 PM |
