Wednesday, December 19, 2007
As a result of my post-finals completely-useless-and-time-wasting endeavors, I checked out Uncyclopedia's wiki on Singapore, which I thought was hilarious.
Since I suspect the gahmen may have banned this entry on our sunny island, here are a few noteworthy quotes:
"Singapore, otherwise known as The Democratic Socialist Republic of Singapore, is the only shopping mall and execution ground with a seat in the United Nations."
"Singapore follows a democratic single-party system, which means that the people are free to all make the same choice. "
"Judicial Proceedings"
"TO ALL CITIZENS: The act of viewing this webpage is strictly FORBIDDEN under federal law, and is considered a capital offence, punishable by the death sentence. Please remain in your homes and stay calm. Any Singapore citizens caught editing/viewing/downloading this page will be liable to caning, life imprisonment or a gruesome EXECUTION by HANGING (but not before a lengthy press-covered due legal process). The situation is being handled by the relevant authorities (read: ISD) as you read this (and we know who you are already). Do not attempt to edit this article. Do not attempt to voice your opinion. Do not leave your house. Do not turn off your computer. Do not attempt to breathe. Do not forget to pay your income tax and the tax on your income tax and the tax on the dividend on your income tax. Your leaders love and care for you very much, so pay your taxes uncomplainingly. Do not question them (although we really do love to hear your feedback... NOT!)."
Economy: "The main exports of Singapore include Tiger Beer and students from Raffles Junior College."
Military: Consisting of millions of loyal and dedicated soldiers, the military of Singapore, known as the Singapore Armed Forces or the SAF, is the most powerful army in the world and has never lost any battles (because it has not been in any).
Education: "Prominent places of learning in Singapore include...the "Please get out of my elite uncaring face" Raffles Junior College, recently causing an uproar among the Indignant Sadder Class, who "cannot take the Brutal Truth"; Raffles Girls School (Secondary), which the government has pressed charges on for going against their "More sex! More babies!" policy and refusing to procreate."
A Note from the Ministry of the Dispensation of Correct Information: "This is Internet chatter and cannot be taken seriously haha, as it brings up no valid points about the current state of Singapore. It is patent nonsense. We are secure in our right to rule. We have no time to debate this futile affair."
*Hooray for random, senseless, hilarious citizen journalism!
**Politically correct disclaimer: The blogger may not necessarily agree with/condone the contents of this website.
he rocked the party at 5:36 PM |
